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You know what to do, so why can't you do it?
Louise Hurley • July 2, 2025
Parenting in the Heat of the Moment (Literally)
You Know What to Do, So Why Can’t You Do It?
If you know me at all, you’ll know I’m a cold weather girl.
It remains a mystery to me how I’ve managed to live this long in the Arabian Gulf.
Well, okay -not a complete mystery. Long live air conditioning!
But the point is: I don’t do well in the heat.
Parenting in the Heat of the Moment (Literally)
One of my biggest parenting flash points?
Parenting in hot weather.
Anyone with a toddler knows that buckling them into a car seat can be a challenge.
Especially if you’ve just cut their soft play session short and they really didn’t want to leave.
So when my kids hit that “I’ll do it myself” stage-the slow crawl from outside the car to their seat- I’m just standing there, sweating buckets.
That’s when I start to get impatient.
Aggravated by the 40-degree sun.
These are the moments I flip.
Honestly, it’s like rage surging through my body.
“Hurry up, for the love of all things holy!!”
I snap.
I force.
I yell.
All the things I know I shouldn’t be doing.
And of course, this escalates into a power struggle.
It doesn’t speed anything up. It just drains everyone.
By the time I collapse into the driver’s seat, I’m depleted.
Tomato-red.
Drenched in what I like to call pressure sweat.
But most of all?
I’m wracked with guilt.
Because I know what these kinds of reactions can do.
I’ve read the books.
I follow the accounts.
I know better.
Yet here we are.
It’s Not a Knowledge Gap. It’s a Nervous System Gap.
Even though you know, rationally, that yelling doesn’t help, many of us find ourselves doing it anyway.
Not because we’re bad parents.
But because we’re human - and triggered.
Parenting books rarely talk about this part:
What’s happening inside your body when you’re reacting.
This isn’t about needing more parenting tips.
This is about your nervous system.
When you're under stress, your thinking brain—the part that remembers all those gentle parenting nuggets-shuts down.
And your survival brain?
It takes over.
So no, you’re not failing.
But you are flooded.
Let’s normalise this:
• You’re not broken.
• You’re not a monster.
• You’re not ruining your children.
You’re dysregulated.
What Conscious Parenting Actually Means
Let me be clear:
I’m not asking you to become a matcha-sipping, yoga-practising parent who never loses their cool.
Being a conscious parent doesn’t mean being calm all the time.
It means:
• Being aware of what’s happening inside you
• Returning to connection after rupture
You’re not aiming for perfection.
You’re aiming for repair.
Because when you model:
• How to apologise
• How to take ownership
• How to reconnect after a meltdown
…you’re teaching your child the emotional skills they really need.
Mindsight: The Skill That Changes Everything
Most of us are operating on autopilot.
Reacting, reacting, reacting.
Conscious parenting introduces the idea of mindsight-
A simple but powerful skill.
Mindsight = noticing what’s going on inside your own mind, so you can respond instead of react.
Take a breath and ask yourself:
• What’s one moment this week you wish you could rewind?
• What were you needing in that moment?
• What was your nervous system trying to protect you from?
This is where the real work begins.
You Don’t Need More Pressure. You Need Support.
The books, blogs, and saved Instagram posts?
They’re great.
But what you really need is a space where you feel:
• Seen
• Understood
• Supported
That’s what 1:1 coaching offers.
You’re already a loving, dedicated parent.
Now you need the support to implement what you already know-
With nervous system tools and real-time guidance that meet you where you actually are.
💬 Ready to go deeper?
I’d love to invite you to reach out or book a free connection call.
Or, if you're just getting started, download my free Conscious Parenting Guide-it’s the perfect first step.
You don’t have to do this alone.
And a few small tweaks can truly change everything.
You promise yourself you won’t shout today… And then it happens again. Your voice gets louder. The guilt kicks in. And you find yourself sitting on the stairs thinking, What is wrong with me?? If that sounds familiar, I want you to know this: It’s not about the shouting. It’s what’s underneath it. Shouting isn’t the core issue. It’s the symptom. The warning light. The final stop on the “I’ve-had-enough” train. It might’ve started when you stubbed your toe this morning. Or when you were woken up by a toddler foot to the face after a terrible night’s sleep (my personal fave) But that shout didn’t come from nowhere. It built up. Quietly. Slowly. What’s underneath it? Overstimulation. Unmet needs. Unprocessed resentment. The emotional load that never quite lifts. That shouty moment is your nervous system throwing its hands up going, “ENOUGH. You’re not listening—so now we’ll make you.” There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. You’re burnt out. And that makes a whole lot of sense. And Then the Guilt Comes… The voice in your head whispers (or screams): “I’m ruining them.” “I must be an awful parent.” Cue the spiral. And when guilt runs the show, what do we do? We overcompensate. We drop boundaries, say yes when we want to say no, try to “make it up to them.” But here’s the kicker: Guilt isn’t growth. And shame? It’s never the way forward. What we need isn’t perfection. It’s tools. Support. And a whole new way of understanding what’s happening in those fiery moments. It’s Not About Mindset—It’s About Capacity Traditional advice falls short here. “Just stay calm.” “Count to 10.” “Take a breath.” If you’ve ever tried to deep-breathe your way out of a sensory overload meltdown in a shopping centre, you know it doesn’t cut it. It's like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted! Because your problem isn’t willpower. It’s your window of tolerance. When you’re dysregulated, you can’t respond calmly. Your nervous system has already decided it’s time to fight, flee or freeze. And yes - your child’s behaviour matters. But your state? That’s the foundation. Real change doesn’t come from memorising parenting scripts. It comes from learning to pause, tune in, and regulate before reacting. This Is What Changes Everything The parents I work with go from reactive and overwhelmed to grounded and responsive in just a few weeks. Not because they become perfect. But because they learn to pause. To recognize their cues. To use simple somatic tools that create space to respond—not explode. And the ripple effect at home? Massive. Less tension. More connection. More trust in yourself as a parent. Ready to Stop White-Knuckling It? The Calm Connection was made for you. It’s an 8-week, high-touch experience where we go underneath the shouting and shift the story at the root. There are only 5 spots. Early bird ends September 12th (or when 3 spots are gone—whichever comes first). See details here
The Science behind mindfulness and parenting
What is conscious parenting anyway?
If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.
